How Are You in Italian: Come Stai + 15 Replies (Audio)

Q: How do you reply to come stai?

Bene, grazie — e tu? is the answer that works everywhere: fine, thanks, and you? Swap bene for how you actually feel — benissimo (wonderful), non c’è male (not bad), così così (so-so), un po’ stanco (a little tired). The part learners forget is the ending: always hand the question back with e tu?, or e Lei? if you are being formal.

Q: How are you in Italian casual?

Come stai? is the everyday casual version, and come va? (how is it going?) is even more relaxed. Between close friends you will also hear tutto bene?, che si dice? and, among younger Italians, the slangy come butta? — which is fun with friends your own age and best avoided with anybody’s grandmother.

Q: What is the difference between come stai and come sta?

Only who you are talking to. Come stai? uses tu, the familiar “you”, for friends, family, children and people your own age. Come sta? uses Lei, the respectful “you”, for strangers, shopkeepers, officials and anyone noticeably older. If you are asking more than one person, both become come state?

Q: Is come va formal or informal?

Neither, which is exactly why it is so useful. Come va? asks how things are going rather than how you are, so it sidesteps the whole tu-versus-Lei question. You can say it to a friend, to a neighbor you barely know, or to the man who sells you a newspaper every morning.

Q: What does tutto bene mean?

Literally “everything well”. As a question, tutto bene? means “everything all right?” — a quick, warm check-in. As an answer, tutto bene means “all good”. It is one of the most useful two-word pairs in Italian because it works in both directions with no changes.

Q: How do you greet someone in Italy?

Greet first, then ask. Say buongiorno in the morning and afternoon, buonasera from late afternoon on, or ciao with people you know well — and only then add come stai? or come sta? Skipping straight to the question feels abrupt. There is a full walk-through in our lesson on hello in Italian.

Italian › Phrases › How are you

Updated August 2026 · Everyday Italian · 7-minute read · 🔊 every phrase has native audio

The quick answer: how are you in Italian is come stai? (KOH-meh sty) with friends and family, and come sta? (KOH-meh stah) with anyone you would call sir or ma’am. The easy all-rounder is come va? (KOH-meh vah) — how is it going. Hear all twelve ways to ask below, plus the fifteen replies Italians actually give. 👇

Come stai?

KOH-meh sty · how are you? (informal) — tap to hear it spoken

🐌 Play slow version

In English, “how are you” is barely a question. You say it walking past somebody and neither of you slows down. Italian does not work that way. Come stai? expects an answer, and the answer is usually where the real conversation starts.

Here is every version of the question, who each one belongs to, and the fifteen replies Italians genuinely use.

All 12 ways to ask “how are you” in Italian

Italian	Say it like	Means	Use it when…
Come stai?	KOH-meh sty	how are you? (informal)	friends, family, children — anyone you call by first name
Come sta?	KOH-meh stah	how are you? (formal)	a stranger, a shopkeeper, anyone older — the Lei form
Come state?	KOH-meh STAH-teh	how are you? (to a group)	asking two or more people at once
Come va?	KOH-meh vah	how is it going?	the safe middle ground — polite enough for anyone
Tutto bene?	TOOT-toh BEH-neh	everything good?	quick and warm, in passing — expects a quick yes
Come te la passi?	KOH-meh teh lah PAHS-see	how are you getting on?	someone you have not seen for months
Come vanno le cose?	KOH-meh VAHN-noh leh KOH-zeh	how are things going?	sitting down to catch up properly
Che si dice?	keh see DEE-cheh	what is new?	friendly, curious, a little bit nosy
Tutto a posto?	TOOT-toh ah POH-stoh	everything in order?	checking on someone who looks off
Come ti senti?	KOH-meh tee SEN-tee	how do you feel?	they have been unwell — this one is about health
Come si sente?	KOH-meh see SEN-teh	how do you feel? (formal)	the same question at the doctor’s office
Come butta?	KOH-meh BOOT-tah	how is it hanging?	slang, under-thirties only. Never with nonna

💡 Pronunciation tip: stai is one syllable, not two. Let the a and the i slide into each other so come stai lands as KOH-meh sty, rhyming with “my”. And the e at the end of come is a clear “eh” — KOH-meh, never the silent English e in “come”. Play it three times and let your mouth copy the melody.

Come stai or come sta? Getting the respect right

This is the only part that can actually go wrong, and it takes one minute to learn.

Italian has two words for “you”. Tu is the warm one — family, friends, children, colleagues you like. Lei is the respectful one, used with strangers, shopkeepers, officials, and anyone noticeably older than you. That choice changes the verb, which is why the same question comes out as come stai? for one and come sta? for the other.

The practical rule for a visitor: start with come sta? Nobody has ever been offended by too much respect. Italians will usually release you from it within a minute or two — diamoci del tu, “let us use tu” — and from then on you are on first-name terms for life.

Two small notes that save embarrassment. Lei is usually written with a capital L when it means the polite “you”, which is how you tell it apart from lei, “she”. And if you are asking a group — two cousins, a whole table — the question becomes come state? regardless of how well you know them.

🇮🇹 The voi your grandparents used: if an older relative in your family said come state? to one single person, they were not making a mistake. Across the south — Naples, Calabria, Sicily, Puglia — respect was traditionally shown with voi rather than the standard Lei, and in a great many families children used it with their own parents. That is the Italian that sailed to America with the great migration, and it stayed as it was while the mainland moved on to Lei. Voi is still around in the south today, and older southerners tend to hear it as warmer and less distant than Lei — though younger ones are quietly letting it go.

How Italians actually answer

Most courses stop at bene, grazie. Real conversations run on a much wider range, and the choice tells the other person how the week has really gone.

Italian	Say it like	Means	Use it when…
Bene, grazie	BEH-neh GRAH-tsyeh	fine, thank you	the reliable default — never wrong, anywhere
Sto bene	stoh BEH-neh	I am well	the full-sentence version of bene
Molto bene	MOL-toh BEH-neh	very well	a step up, said with a smile
Benissimo!	beh-NEES-see-moh	wonderful!	genuinely good news — Italians reach for this often
Alla grande	AHL-lah GRAHN-deh	going great	upbeat and casual, between friends
Tutto bene	TOOT-toh BEH-neh	all good	the easy echo when someone asks tutto bene?
Tutto a posto	TOOT-toh ah POH-stoh	all in order	calm — nothing to worry about here
Non c’è male	nohn cheh MAH-leh	not bad	the honest, modest, very Italian answer
Abbastanza bene	ahb-bah-STAHN-tsah BEH-neh	well enough	fine, with one small reservation left unsaid
Non mi lamento	nohn mee lah-MEN-toh	I cannot complain	modest, and a favorite of older Italians
Si tira avanti	see TEE-rah ah-VAHN-tee	we get by	the stoic old-country reply — you will hear it from nonni
Così così	koh-ZEE koh-ZEE	so-so	up and down — it invites a follow-up question
Insomma…	een-SOM-mah	eh, not great	said with a tilted hand. Something is wrong
Un po’ stanco / stanca	oon poh STAHN-koh / STAHN-kah	a little tired	-o if you are a man, -a if a woman
E tu? / E Lei?	eh too / eh lay	and you?	hand the question straight back — always

💡 Never skip the hand-back. The reply is only half the exchange. Italians finish with e tu? — or e Lei? in the polite form — almost every single time. Leaving it off makes a perfectly friendly answer sound like a door closing. Bene, grazie, e tu? is the complete move.

In Italy, the question is real

The first thing that surprises Americans in Italy is that people answer honestly. Ask an Italian come stai? and you may hear about a knee, a landlord, a daughter who never calls. This is not oversharing. The question was a genuine offer and the answer accepts it.

Which is why bene said flatly can land oddly. Italians hear the tone, not just the word. A cheerful benissimo! and a resigned si tira avanti are the same length and completely different reports on your life.

You will also see the answer before you hear it. Insomma arrives with a flat hand tilting side to side like a small boat, and così così often skips the words altogether and is nothing but that hand. If you grew up watching a grandparent do that at the kitchen table, you already speak this part — there is a whole vocabulary of it in our guide to Italian hand gestures.

🇮🇹 What nonna asked instead: in a great many Italian households the real “how are you” was never come stai at all. It was “Hai mangiato?” (eye mahn-JAH-toh) — have you eaten? In a generation that had lived through hunger, that question carried everything: are you well, are you looked after, is anything wrong. And the honest answer never mattered much, because the plate was already on its way.

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Practice: quick check

1. Your cousin in Italy picks up the phone…

Ciao! Come stai? — family gets the tu form, always. When they answer, hand it back: e tu?

2. You are at a pharmacy in Palermo and the pharmacist is well over seventy…

Buongiorno, come sta? — the polite Lei form. Respect first; they will tell you if they want tu.

3. Someone asks come va? and the honest answer is “tired”…

Un po’ stanco, ma tutto bene. E tu? — a woman says stanca. Honest, cheerful, and it keeps the conversation open.

Come stai — every phrase with its pronunciation, from My Everyday Language — Save or share this card — every word on it has a play button above.

Frequently asked questions

How do you reply to come stai?

Bene, grazie — e tu? is the answer that works everywhere: fine, thanks, and you? Swap bene for how you actually feel — benissimo (wonderful), non c’è male (not bad), così così (so-so), un po’ stanco (a little tired). The part learners forget is the ending: always hand the question back with e tu?, or e Lei? if you are being formal.

How are you in Italian casual?

Come stai? is the everyday casual version, and come va? (how is it going?) is even more relaxed. Between close friends you will also hear tutto bene?, che si dice? and, among younger Italians, the slangy come butta? — which is fun with friends your own age and best avoided with anybody’s grandmother.

What is the difference between come stai and come sta?

Only who you are talking to. Come stai? uses tu, the familiar “you”, for friends, family, children and people your own age. Come sta? uses Lei, the respectful “you”, for strangers, shopkeepers, officials and anyone noticeably older. If you are asking more than one person, both become come state?

Is come va formal or informal?

Neither, which is exactly why it is so useful. Come va? asks how things are going rather than how you are, so it sidesteps the whole tu-versus-Lei question. You can say it to a friend, to a neighbor you barely know, or to the man who sells you a newspaper every morning.

What does tutto bene mean?

Literally “everything well”. As a question, tutto bene? means “everything all right?” — a quick, warm check-in. As an answer, tutto bene means “all good”. It is one of the most useful two-word pairs in Italian because it works in both directions with no changes.

How do you greet someone in Italy?

Greet first, then ask. Say buongiorno in the morning and afternoon, buonasera from late afternoon on, or ciao with people you know well — and only then add come stai? or come sta? Skipping straight to the question feels abrupt. There is a full walk-through in our lesson on hello in Italian.

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